Day 36
Spiritual discipline is such a personal thing, and we reap the direct results of what we sow. Every time I do a discipline, I accumulate so much energy that all of my projects go into high gear. There's so much creative juice flowing, it needs to be expressed! It's really quite a wonderful experience.
As it relates to the original purpose of this conscious relationship discipline, I feel that the deep, powerful undercurrents within the river of my being have shifted significantly. The channel that cut into the murky depths has been flushed, re-routed.
And to be honest, I have slacked off somewhat since the first half of the discipline. I wonder what would have happened had I maintained my original intensity? I'll find out soon enough, since I plan to continue this practice.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Glimpses of Mastery with Hormonal Fluctuations - Men Everywhere Should Rejoice!
Day 27
I would bet that if one chronicled all of the arguments between men & women throughout history, a large percentage of them would occur when the woman has PMS. Our bodies are chemical factories, and a few days out of the month, it's like someone tampered with the mix, sending us on a bad trip that lasts for days.
Yesterday, I had a very new experience with my own bad trip. I'm attributing it to all of the mantras & intention around balancing my inner masculine & feminine (at the chemical level, testosterone & estrogen/progestrone). I was feeling quite agitated (not at anyone in particular, luckily!). Throughout the day, I was able to maintain a clear witness state and use the agitation to my advantage to be extremely productive!
Since I viewed the agitation as pure energy, not something I needed to fix or indulge in, I was able to appreciate the quality of the energy as "that which acts" (i.e. "raja" in Sanskrit, vs. "tamas" - that which obscures, or "sattwa" - that which manifests) The SHRIM mantra is helping me understand the nature of energy in the universe; the whole universe is composed of various combinations of rajas, tamas, & sattwa. And the "I" that I truly am is beyond all that...
If I can successfully maintain this budding mastery, and teach other women to do the same, I foresee much more in the way of marital harmony in our culture of quick hook-ups, short-term relationships, and over 50% divorce rate! ;)
The key is to establish oneself in the eternal presence of the soul.
I would bet that if one chronicled all of the arguments between men & women throughout history, a large percentage of them would occur when the woman has PMS. Our bodies are chemical factories, and a few days out of the month, it's like someone tampered with the mix, sending us on a bad trip that lasts for days.
Yesterday, I had a very new experience with my own bad trip. I'm attributing it to all of the mantras & intention around balancing my inner masculine & feminine (at the chemical level, testosterone & estrogen/progestrone). I was feeling quite agitated (not at anyone in particular, luckily!). Throughout the day, I was able to maintain a clear witness state and use the agitation to my advantage to be extremely productive!
Since I viewed the agitation as pure energy, not something I needed to fix or indulge in, I was able to appreciate the quality of the energy as "that which acts" (i.e. "raja" in Sanskrit, vs. "tamas" - that which obscures, or "sattwa" - that which manifests) The SHRIM mantra is helping me understand the nature of energy in the universe; the whole universe is composed of various combinations of rajas, tamas, & sattwa. And the "I" that I truly am is beyond all that...
If I can successfully maintain this budding mastery, and teach other women to do the same, I foresee much more in the way of marital harmony in our culture of quick hook-ups, short-term relationships, and over 50% divorce rate! ;)
The key is to establish oneself in the eternal presence of the soul.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Momentum & The Tipping Point
Day 23
It's interesting that just over half way through this discipline, there's a part of me that feels I've already gotten what I needed, and there's no reason to continue. The intensity of my desire for a deeper experience of conscious relationship has been satisfied by my inner experience, and I'm sated, at least temporarily.
However, just under the surface of that thought, there's a knowing that I'm polishing away at some deeply held patterns, and that gives me the motivation to continue on. It's unfamiliar, unknown, and a little scary to approach this place. It's like venturing deep into a cave, brushing off cobwebs, and not knowing where I'm going to step next. I know I need to press on into new territory if I want anything to actually change in my life.
I am aware of my need for tenderness & self-care, and am comforted by the brilliant torch-light of the mantras. (Or perhaps a head-lamp would be more appropriate! The light of the mantras coming through my third eye... :)
It's also interesting to note that over the past week, I lessened the intensity of my practice due to time constraints, and I've noticed it's harder to maintain the momentum. I was squeezing in the mantra practice in bits & pieces, and counting yoga asana practice that wasn't specifically dedicated to this discipline, and it felt like the energy dissipated considerably.
On the other hand, when I was doing the practice full-on, during the first 12 days, the energy I was generating seemed to propel me forward of its own volition. There must be some magical tipping point where the momentum becomes exponential. I'm sure it's different for everyone, and it probably changes from day to day. I am committed to getting back to it!
It's interesting that just over half way through this discipline, there's a part of me that feels I've already gotten what I needed, and there's no reason to continue. The intensity of my desire for a deeper experience of conscious relationship has been satisfied by my inner experience, and I'm sated, at least temporarily.
However, just under the surface of that thought, there's a knowing that I'm polishing away at some deeply held patterns, and that gives me the motivation to continue on. It's unfamiliar, unknown, and a little scary to approach this place. It's like venturing deep into a cave, brushing off cobwebs, and not knowing where I'm going to step next. I know I need to press on into new territory if I want anything to actually change in my life.
I am aware of my need for tenderness & self-care, and am comforted by the brilliant torch-light of the mantras. (Or perhaps a head-lamp would be more appropriate! The light of the mantras coming through my third eye... :)
It's also interesting to note that over the past week, I lessened the intensity of my practice due to time constraints, and I've noticed it's harder to maintain the momentum. I was squeezing in the mantra practice in bits & pieces, and counting yoga asana practice that wasn't specifically dedicated to this discipline, and it felt like the energy dissipated considerably.
On the other hand, when I was doing the practice full-on, during the first 12 days, the energy I was generating seemed to propel me forward of its own volition. There must be some magical tipping point where the momentum becomes exponential. I'm sure it's different for everyone, and it probably changes from day to day. I am committed to getting back to it!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Hundreds of Juicy Tidbits
Day 19
This is my horoscope this week from http://FreeWillAstrology.com, and I just thought it was fabulous: "This would be a good time to activate your sleeping potentials by chanting positive declarations about your relationship to what you need. Instead of typical New Age affirmations, however, I think you'll benefit from something edgier and more poetic.
That's why I'm offering you the statements below. They were originally written by Andrea Carlisle for use by spiders. Say the following several times a day: "I am now receiving many fine fat flies in my web. My web is strong and masterful. My web is irresistible to all the attractive creatures I like to nibble on. I am amazingly clever and extremely popular. Even now, hundreds of juicy tidbits are headed towards my web."
I am definitely experiencing some juicy tidbits in life! I've been reflecting on how amazingly happy I am, so full of gratitude. I can feel this practice working through me, opening my heart, accelerating the possibilities for my life's expression in ways I thought were in my distant future, not in my present.
My primary focus has been on other things for the past few days, but I'm really appreciating the consistency of focus. It feels like self-care. And I definitely sense how the commitment to the practice is shifting things at a tectonic level.
If I were a spider, I'd be fat & happy from hundreds of juicy tidbits. And there are more headed my way? Awesome! :)
This is my horoscope this week from http://FreeWillAstrology.com, and I just thought it was fabulous: "This would be a good time to activate your sleeping potentials by chanting positive declarations about your relationship to what you need. Instead of typical New Age affirmations, however, I think you'll benefit from something edgier and more poetic.
That's why I'm offering you the statements below. They were originally written by Andrea Carlisle for use by spiders. Say the following several times a day: "I am now receiving many fine fat flies in my web. My web is strong and masterful. My web is irresistible to all the attractive creatures I like to nibble on. I am amazingly clever and extremely popular. Even now, hundreds of juicy tidbits are headed towards my web."
I am definitely experiencing some juicy tidbits in life! I've been reflecting on how amazingly happy I am, so full of gratitude. I can feel this practice working through me, opening my heart, accelerating the possibilities for my life's expression in ways I thought were in my distant future, not in my present.
My primary focus has been on other things for the past few days, but I'm really appreciating the consistency of focus. It feels like self-care. And I definitely sense how the commitment to the practice is shifting things at a tectonic level.
If I were a spider, I'd be fat & happy from hundreds of juicy tidbits. And there are more headed my way? Awesome! :)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Grinding Away at the Karmic Wheel
Day 17
It's been a few days since I've written, but I'm glad to say I've been keeping up the practice despite being very busy. I figure if it's a choice between doing the practices, and writing about not having time to do them, I'll do them!
Even though I've had to modify them slightly for available time (doing fewer than 108 repetitions of each mantra, or doing just a sun salutation and an inversion, backbend, and hip opener instead of a full on asana practice), I'm keeping the fires stoked. It feels good to keep the commitment.
It's interesting to notice the temptation to slide out of the practice, to come up with an excuse as to why I don't want to continue, or feel like I need to continue any further... but I've been doing spiritual disciplines long enough to understand that it grinds away at my karmic wheel, polishing rough spots where my previous groove is to avoid them. Though sometimes it's good to go with the flow and do just what feels good, in this case I know deep down that there's "stuff" being dislodged from deep within me, for illumination, healing, and transformation. I really want to get to the next level, and so I'm determined to see the practice through for the full 40 days!
Which, in the scheme of things, is NOTHING! I have a friend who is a head monk at Tyangboche Monastery in Nepal, and he has done several 3 year silent retreats. Jaws drop. Heads shake in disbelief. Most of us can only imagine the discipline & focus, not to mention the resulting states of consciousness that would come from such a practice. 40 days - can handle! It feels like a good balance for this modern yogini. :)
It's been a few days since I've written, but I'm glad to say I've been keeping up the practice despite being very busy. I figure if it's a choice between doing the practices, and writing about not having time to do them, I'll do them!
Even though I've had to modify them slightly for available time (doing fewer than 108 repetitions of each mantra, or doing just a sun salutation and an inversion, backbend, and hip opener instead of a full on asana practice), I'm keeping the fires stoked. It feels good to keep the commitment.
It's interesting to notice the temptation to slide out of the practice, to come up with an excuse as to why I don't want to continue, or feel like I need to continue any further... but I've been doing spiritual disciplines long enough to understand that it grinds away at my karmic wheel, polishing rough spots where my previous groove is to avoid them. Though sometimes it's good to go with the flow and do just what feels good, in this case I know deep down that there's "stuff" being dislodged from deep within me, for illumination, healing, and transformation. I really want to get to the next level, and so I'm determined to see the practice through for the full 40 days!
Which, in the scheme of things, is NOTHING! I have a friend who is a head monk at Tyangboche Monastery in Nepal, and he has done several 3 year silent retreats. Jaws drop. Heads shake in disbelief. Most of us can only imagine the discipline & focus, not to mention the resulting states of consciousness that would come from such a practice. 40 days - can handle! It feels like a good balance for this modern yogini. :)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Anticipating "The Fall" - Transformation, Grace, & The Witness State
Day 12
I was thinking yesterday that if I were my own client, I'd be wondering when and how "the fall" would take place, after such an extended high... This made me ponder the nature of graceful transformation, and the wisdom of the dualistic cycles of pleasure/pain that are inherent to the human experience.
I definitely do experience some gritty, difficult stuff from time to time, as everyone does. However, I view it in the context of how it helps me grow and learn. My painful experiences always point mercifully, with laser focus, to exactly where I am not integrated. Since growth, transformation, and evolution is the purpose of my life (rather than material fulfillment), what else can I ultimately do but celebrate the appearance of pain with as much gratitude as I do the appearance bliss?
Nature does not mourn or waste anything. What is death to one creature is life to another. Yet the experiencer of the experience remains unaffected. The cycles of time march on, and the witness remains.
It is my experience of mantra practice that intoning the Sanskrit formulae activates the mainline to the pre-manifestation witness state. It seems to help anchor more and more of my identity there, rather than in the manifest world with all of its dualities. The entire process of transformation feels far less traumatic, and far more graceful.
I was thinking yesterday that if I were my own client, I'd be wondering when and how "the fall" would take place, after such an extended high... This made me ponder the nature of graceful transformation, and the wisdom of the dualistic cycles of pleasure/pain that are inherent to the human experience.
I definitely do experience some gritty, difficult stuff from time to time, as everyone does. However, I view it in the context of how it helps me grow and learn. My painful experiences always point mercifully, with laser focus, to exactly where I am not integrated. Since growth, transformation, and evolution is the purpose of my life (rather than material fulfillment), what else can I ultimately do but celebrate the appearance of pain with as much gratitude as I do the appearance bliss?
Nature does not mourn or waste anything. What is death to one creature is life to another. Yet the experiencer of the experience remains unaffected. The cycles of time march on, and the witness remains.
It is my experience of mantra practice that intoning the Sanskrit formulae activates the mainline to the pre-manifestation witness state. It seems to help anchor more and more of my identity there, rather than in the manifest world with all of its dualities. The entire process of transformation feels far less traumatic, and far more graceful.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Nuclear Reactors & True Tantra
Day 11
It wouldn't be an understatement to say that today I felt internal transformation working within me like a contained, steady nuclear reactor. Is it the mantras? The yoga asana? (I did go to a 2-hour class today at Yoga Hanalei, which was great!) The mulabandha (root lock) awareness? Just the intention? The commitment to a 40-day mantra & yoga program? I have a feeling it's the combination of all of the above. I've never felt so calm, composed, and contained... I think it's allowing my internal energy to ignite new levels of awakening within me.
I'm also experiencing a much deeper connection with nature. It's pretty trippy, actually. It'd sound like a description of someone's acid trip if I talked too much about it! It's quite profound to be awake to the void/space within all things, the qualities that compose their substance, and the current that animates them. I sense that it's just a taste of true tantra (mastery of the elements).
If I have anything else to say, it's that this yogic science WORKS! One simply needs to apply it consistently and watch the results.
It wouldn't be an understatement to say that today I felt internal transformation working within me like a contained, steady nuclear reactor. Is it the mantras? The yoga asana? (I did go to a 2-hour class today at Yoga Hanalei, which was great!) The mulabandha (root lock) awareness? Just the intention? The commitment to a 40-day mantra & yoga program? I have a feeling it's the combination of all of the above. I've never felt so calm, composed, and contained... I think it's allowing my internal energy to ignite new levels of awakening within me.
I'm also experiencing a much deeper connection with nature. It's pretty trippy, actually. It'd sound like a description of someone's acid trip if I talked too much about it! It's quite profound to be awake to the void/space within all things, the qualities that compose their substance, and the current that animates them. I sense that it's just a taste of true tantra (mastery of the elements).
If I have anything else to say, it's that this yogic science WORKS! One simply needs to apply it consistently and watch the results.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Why am I blogging about this?
Day 10
The distinction between sharing for others' benefit and narcissism has crossed my mind for contemplation more than once, so I'll write about it briefly.
Pure and simple, I am doing this because I was guided to. It was a clear impulse of inspiration. My sense of this blog's purpose is that it will inspire others to:
a) empower themselves to receive what they really want, in a more specific way than the general guidance offered in such works as The Secret, or the Law of Attraction. Engaging the power of Sanskrit mantras for transformative manifestation is extraordinarily powerful! And using asana specifically and consciously to support integration of the higher energies (invoked via mantra) is an essential symbiosis!
b) clarify what they really want, from a higher perspective than simply material gain.
While it's contrary to my general nature to share such personal experience, it seems that there's value in offering my experience as a "guinea pig" for transformation. I hope that all of the ups & downs, insights, and inspirations will be helpful to anyone else undertaking a spiritual discipline.
The distinction between sharing for others' benefit and narcissism has crossed my mind for contemplation more than once, so I'll write about it briefly.
Pure and simple, I am doing this because I was guided to. It was a clear impulse of inspiration. My sense of this blog's purpose is that it will inspire others to:
a) empower themselves to receive what they really want, in a more specific way than the general guidance offered in such works as The Secret, or the Law of Attraction. Engaging the power of Sanskrit mantras for transformative manifestation is extraordinarily powerful! And using asana specifically and consciously to support integration of the higher energies (invoked via mantra) is an essential symbiosis!
b) clarify what they really want, from a higher perspective than simply material gain.
While it's contrary to my general nature to share such personal experience, it seems that there's value in offering my experience as a "guinea pig" for transformation. I hope that all of the ups & downs, insights, and inspirations will be helpful to anyone else undertaking a spiritual discipline.
Relationship Resonance
Day 9
Some very important information was shared with me today, regarding how to set up the proper resonances in a relationship. It's too early to share it, but I'm working with it internally. Every day has been such a joy, and the sadhana (spiritual practice) is getting exponentially deeper. I'm excited to see what the remaining 31 days will bring!
Some very important information was shared with me today, regarding how to set up the proper resonances in a relationship. It's too early to share it, but I'm working with it internally. Every day has been such a joy, and the sadhana (spiritual practice) is getting exponentially deeper. I'm excited to see what the remaining 31 days will bring!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Bliss
Day 8
Bliss and shakti are oozing from every pore for the past few hours to the point that my lips are numb. This hasn't happened for a while, and is very nice!
My morning sadhana is getting deeper every day, and providing such great energy for everything else in my day. I worked with a client this afternoon on her personal mantra & yoga program, and feel tremendously blessed to be sharing these technologies with others!
Bliss and shakti are oozing from every pore for the past few hours to the point that my lips are numb. This hasn't happened for a while, and is very nice!
My morning sadhana is getting deeper every day, and providing such great energy for everything else in my day. I worked with a client this afternoon on her personal mantra & yoga program, and feel tremendously blessed to be sharing these technologies with others!
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