Momentum & The Tipping Point

Day 23

It's interesting that just over half way through this discipline, there's a part of me that feels I've already gotten what I needed, and there's no reason to continue. The intensity of my desire for a deeper experience of conscious relationship has been satisfied by my inner experience, and I'm sated, at least temporarily.

However, just under the surface of that thought, there's a knowing that I'm polishing away at some deeply held patterns, and that gives me the motivation to continue on. It's unfamiliar, unknown, and a little scary to approach this place. It's like venturing deep into a cave, brushing off cobwebs, and not knowing where I'm going to step next. I know I need to press on into new territory if I want anything to actually change in my life.

I am aware of my need for tenderness & self-care, and am comforted by the brilliant torch-light of the mantras. (Or perhaps a head-lamp would be more appropriate! The light of the mantras coming through my third eye... :)

It's also interesting to note that over the past week, I lessened the intensity of my practice due to time constraints, and I've noticed it's harder to maintain the momentum. I was squeezing in the mantra practice in bits & pieces, and counting yoga asana practice that wasn't specifically dedicated to this discipline, and it felt like the energy dissipated considerably.

On the other hand, when I was doing the practice full-on, during the first 12 days, the energy I was generating seemed to propel me forward of its own volition. There must be some magical tipping point where the momentum becomes exponential. I'm sure it's different for everyone, and it probably changes from day to day. I am committed to getting back to it!